Welcome to Hard Talk. I'm Isaiah. You're here for the hard truth and I'm here to give it to you. Just because someone is close to you doesn't mean they know what's best for you. They don't. You know what's best for you. You need to stay true to yourself. Here's how. First, never sacrifice your identity to someone else. Second, set strict boundaries for your space and your time. Third, don't feel obligated to care about the same things that someone else cares about. Look, letting other people change you is a sure-fire way to end up miserable. Check this out. A study published by the British Medical Journal asked a group of people to agree with their relationship partner's every opinion and request without complaint even if they believed their partner was wrong. The quality of life of both the participants was measured using a scoring scare of 1-10, 10 being the best possible quality of life and 1 being the least. The results, after only twelve days the agreeing participants quality of life score fell from a 7 on average to a 3, a 7 to a 3 in less than two weeks. If you want to stop being miserable, you have to stop letting other people change you. You have to stay true to yourself. You have to stop compromising. Here's how. First, stop sacrificing your identity to someone else. Being in a relationship is not easy. It doesn't matter if it's a friendship, romantic relationship, family relationship or any other type of relationship. Either way things can get hard. Over time, more and more conflicts will happen and as a result it becomes easier and easier to stop standing up for yourself. It becomes easier to stop doing what you want to do to just to keep the peace. It becomes easy to lose who you are. Too many people sacrifice who they are at their core just to keep other people from going crazy. They sacrifice their very soul to keep smaller minded people from creating drama. This is wrong. These same people falsely assume that keeping the peace is morally right. They think that killing the fight inside of them is the right thing to do, but it's not. Nothing could be further from the truth. Killing the fight inside of you is not self-sacrifice, it's self destruction. By rolling over again and again, you don't become stronger; you become a former shell of yourself. Don't make the mistake of changing who you are just to keep someone else happy or just to keep someone else around. Keep yourself in check by always asking yourself, "What do I really want? Is this what the real me would do or is this what the fake me would do?" Second, set strict boundaries for your space and time. When you have to pay bills, meet obligations, and provide for others, it's hard to find time for yourself. Not only is it hard to find alone time, it's hard to feel like it's okay to be alone. Too many people feel uncomfortable or even feel guilty for spending time by themselves. They feel selfish for making room for their own thoughts, desires, and actions. The problem with this is that your quality of life improves with the more time you spend with yourself. The more alone time you have, the more you're able to give to relationships. If you're not mentally and physically at a 100%, you can't be there for others 100%. The value you add to yourself is proportional to the value you can add to your relationships so start protecting your space and start protecting your time. Realize that you need time and space for relaxation, reflection, and self-improvement. If you're always busy giving your time and space to someone else you will never grow. You'll never get better. You'll never be able to give more. Third, don't feel obligated to care about the same things that someone else cares about. Everyone is not obligated to fight for the same cause. Everyone is not obligated to do what you want to do. At the same time, you are not obligated to do what other people want you to do. You have to decide what's important to you and stick to it. If you constantly let people distract you from your goals in life, you'll never get anywhere. If you constantly let people use drama to steal your attention, you will fail so stop feeling obligated to care about other people's problems. Stop letting people make you feel guilty. Instead, start putting your time and energy towards things you believe in. Start feeling obligated to yourself. Do this and you'll live a more confident and focused life. Until next time, live like a lion.
Myopic Myopia: Thank you. I was sacrificing what I wanted in my last relationship and accepted excuses for them not being up to par. I was losing myself. Needed to hear this.Thanks again
Janet Foster: Love learning from you awesome. Thank you. I was telling my son about you today and shared your link. You get straight to the point like that.
Compromised Serenity: It hurts so bad the guilt I feel when trying to set boundaries for myself? Why is that? Maybe, I already know the answer. It hurts more to hear I'm a selfish bitch and uncaring or misunderstood. And then feel worse cause I start trying to get the person to understand. It turns into me defending myself against harsh tongues only to find I've given the harsh tongue right back. Ugh. I hate that I can't just shut the heck up sometimes because a person who feels that strongly about it never desires to understand me. I'm still not going to give up trying though. I just need to learn more effective approaches to setting my own limits and boundaries.
Gwendolyn Wehage: WE should only care about Christ changing us then we can be peaceful and led by God Himself. Our quality of life improves the more we spend time with God.
Linsey Donovan: Oh my god I've never commented on a video but wow! THANK YOU! I needed this speech
Bob Mag: 👍
Penguin S: Thanks! Great advice. 101% agree. Now I understand everything.
Imran Hadi: I cried watching this video it woke me up making me realizing everyday I'm becoming more and more of my fake self to the point I don't know who I am anymore
Baljit Grewal: Thankyou for strong advice.
Isaiah you have beautiful eyes.
ftgf waoym: I have so much trouble with this subject. Growing up, I thought the right thing to do was always to please other people. That was good and moral. By the time I was in my 20s, I actually believed that my role in life was to be a toilet for other people's catharsis. I thought I was helping them somehow. Then one morning I woke up thinking, "what if I'm not a toilet for other people's catharsis? What if I'm a human being just like they are?" But I still have problems with this. I don't really know which me is me, if that makes sense. And I feel guilty if I'm not the person I was as a child.
But looking back over my life, I know I've done myself a great disservice. I've sabotaged myself left, right and center, kept myself back to please others, and not reached my own potential.
anon 77: Isaiah Hankel, I love you. Thank you.
起床う圭敏: what happened if she keeps using the "crying card" Every time i asked something, say like " how did you waste a quarter grand on groceries even though the food that was bought doesn't even reach 100 bucks. Every single time She tries to change the subject, she kept moving around left to right and most of all nonsense reasons that is in any way not connected to the question I asked. she won't answer what she really spends that money every month on and guesses what? behind my back she talks shit about me saying that I've never given her a dime, which is bull-shit, what do i do ? without furthering any more damage. please no divorce, i really care about my children. i want them to grow up with two parents. God im stuck in a very bad situation. i try to lessen the questions but She kept on making fun of me on how i can't do this can do that, but the one thing that pisses me of is that when I asked my kid whether or not mom has been spending money to buy you a good food, he said, She said you didn't give money. I mean God helppp. all of her friends looked at me like im some kind of devil who never gives her any money, to make it look like I've never worked in my whole entire life and that's just half of it. what should i do ?.... please be serious. marriage counselling won't do, cuz she won't go.
Joanne Ionita: Took me almost 10 years to escape a manipulative, toxic and hurtful marriage. I could beat myself up for waiting this long, but I suppose better late than ever.
alain bill: For me it's too late, a so called friend ruind my life.
Mary Catherine Ann: Oh wow you are so right! I've lost myself due to people that go nutz!
Hawd girl: my lawyer is always trying to blackmail me. he is taking advantage of my weakness. demanding more money all the time. Am getting tired. his always trying to borrow money from me. Am really pissed isaiah. Am having a meeting with him tmorrow. I feel like just beating the crap out of him in public..pouring water on his cheap suit.his a real user and manipulator. I would not call him a man.
Chun Li: Wow, im going through this, im a gifted child & when i say this to others. They say i'm deep thinking. As i think thngs others don't understand.
The12thSeahorse: What happens when one watches this video, and in a flash of lightening you realise you've married a manipulator and your boss that your looking for a promotion is a manipulator as well! Reality is going to hurt.
Holly dolly: You've just wiped clean a 5 year illusion for me. Thank you, you have extremely valuable communication skills, you've captivated, influenced and motivated me in a few short minutes. Thank you again, live like a lion ❤
Dallas Guidroz: my family thinks I am Absoulty A horrible person cause I don't go to family parties. they are exausing and full of drama. I am no longer saying Yes when I mean No.
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