Welcome to Hard Talk. I'm Isaiah. You're here for the hard truth and I'm here to give it to you. Just because someone is close to you doesn't mean they know what's best for you. They don't. You know what's best for you. You need to stay true to yourself. Here's how. First, never sacrifice your identity to someone else. Second, set strict boundaries for your space and your time. Third, don't feel obligated to care about the same things that someone else cares about. Look, letting other people change you is a sure-fire way to end up miserable. Check this out. A study published by the British Medical Journal asked a group of people to agree with their relationship partner's every opinion and request without complaint even if they believed their partner was wrong. The quality of life of both the participants was measured using a scoring scare of 1-10, 10 being the best possible quality of life and 1 being the least. The results, after only twelve days the agreeing participants quality of life score fell from a 7 on average to a 3, a 7 to a 3 in less than two weeks. If you want to stop being miserable, you have to stop letting other people change you. You have to stay true to yourself. You have to stop compromising. Here's how. First, stop sacrificing your identity to someone else. Being in a relationship is not easy. It doesn't matter if it's a friendship, romantic relationship, family relationship or any other type of relationship. Either way things can get hard. Over time, more and more conflicts will happen and as a result it becomes easier and easier to stop standing up for yourself. It becomes easier to stop doing what you want to do to just to keep the peace. It becomes easy to lose who you are. Too many people sacrifice who they are at their core just to keep other people from going crazy. They sacrifice their very soul to keep smaller minded people from creating drama. This is wrong. These same people falsely assume that keeping the peace is morally right. They think that killing the fight inside of them is the right thing to do, but it's not. Nothing could be further from the truth. Killing the fight inside of you is not self-sacrifice, it's self destruction. By rolling over again and again, you don't become stronger; you become a former shell of yourself. Don't make the mistake of changing who you are just to keep someone else happy or just to keep someone else around. Keep yourself in check by always asking yourself, "What do I really want? Is this what the real me would do or is this what the fake me would do?" Second, set strict boundaries for your space and time. When you have to pay bills, meet obligations, and provide for others, it's hard to find time for yourself. Not only is it hard to find alone time, it's hard to feel like it's okay to be alone. Too many people feel uncomfortable or even feel guilty for spending time by themselves. They feel selfish for making room for their own thoughts, desires, and actions. The problem with this is that your quality of life improves with the more time you spend with yourself. The more alone time you have, the more you're able to give to relationships. If you're not mentally and physically at a 100%, you can't be there for others 100%. The value you add to yourself is proportional to the value you can add to your relationships so start protecting your space and start protecting your time. Realize that you need time and space for relaxation, reflection, and self-improvement. If you're always busy giving your time and space to someone else you will never grow. You'll never get better. You'll never be able to give more. Third, don't feel obligated to care about the same things that someone else cares about. Everyone is not obligated to fight for the same cause. Everyone is not obligated to do what you want to do. At the same time, you are not obligated to do what other people want you to do. You have to decide what's important to you and stick to it. If you constantly let people distract you from your goals in life, you'll never get anywhere. If you constantly let people use drama to steal your attention, you will fail so stop feeling obligated to care about other people's problems. Stop letting people make you feel guilty. Instead, start putting your time and energy towards things you believe in. Start feeling obligated to yourself. Do this and you'll live a more confident and focused life. Until next time, live like a lion.
Sam Daniele: UN-FUCKING-BELIEVEABLE!! I Just played this video on speaker phone and another one right next to the person who has been manipulating me , (or me holding him up ) and his comments were "what a load of shit! Who is this guy - All he keeps saying is its wrong to help people and stuff ,he's full of shit" .... I Listened back and ABSOLUTELY NO WHERE did isaha say its wrong to help people,, I can't believe he interpreted it that way!!! He only interpreted it that way cause he knew this was empowering me and that it was the truth! That when he constantly puts on drama for his needs and it has completely destroyed me as a person sacrificing myself and my wants for his , for 3 years,,, he cries when I want be alone, that its his birthday coming up or his dads in the hospital or he's damaged his knee or he's suicidal or its Christmas coming or he mite go to jail soon or whatever!! He once said he'd kill himself if I'm not in his life I cried my eyes out saying I am honestly going to kill myself if I have to live like this,,, but he didn't care about my wants or mental.health he just wants to keep me at the expense of my mental health , he tells everyone he knows I am his girlfriend!!! And I am not! I'm getting to the stage where I wish he was dead because I hate him!! My health has deteriated, I cannot have any thoughts to myself. Even if in the bathroom too long he will make excuses to talk to me so I can't think on my own,,, I'm angry with myself more for being so weak minded to not get rid of him,, nobody but nobody would put up with this,,, I don't even have sex with him anymore for about 8months and never will again and he pressures me everyday and I hate living in MY OWN HOME pressured for sex everyday when I don't want it with him!!! I can't be too frank about it with him or strate out because then he starts saying I'm being cruel!! How did I get here!? Why is change so hard!? And now I am reliant on him cause he's drained all my energy he has to go shopping and everything for me I am completely burnt out and stuck in such a predicament , change is hard but so is staying in this situation but I have no energy for restraining orders and police and having him msg me 50× a day and stalk me if I kick him out again , I literaly am an EMOTIONAL WEAK ASS HOSTAGE Of a self centered, low self esteemed delusional selfish ass-hole!! (CONGRATULATIONS TO ANYONE WHO READ ALL THIS CAUSE I DOUBT ANYONE WILL
Saar Koene: Just what I needed to hear!!
Andre Mocke: This video is something I had to see today. I feel like you made this video specifically for me. But, how? You made me realize that what you are saying is the truth, but how do you apply this? What do you say? How do you say it. I can imagine that I would hate it if someone tells me "Respect my time and do not manipulate me"
Loretta Adair: love you!! wow
Annette Lynch: Wow. Really good advice. It's hard when it comes to family though. I've been manipulated and guilted into taking care of my sick mother who should be in a nursing home. I'm the parent of an adult child with autism and am physically disabled myself. If I say no to my dad to help him all I feel is guilt because my mother makes me feel that way, like I " owe" her all my time. She doesn't accept the fact I have a serious disability and chronic pain from a botched surgery on my nerves. I use a cane to walk. After I get done taking care of her, I literally cannot walk the next day but my parents don't take my condition or the fact I have an autistic child into consideration. It's just expected. I'm so tired of being controlled but am afraid of going to hell if I don't help them!
My Therapy: My problem is that I have too much alone time lol #loner
Lauren Christine: This is making me sad.....
Jacked Butt Muscles: A little short-term discomfort of mentioning a boundary now can bring a lot of security in the long-term future. Pains should be short-term, not long-term. Holding all the pains in is a long-term struggle that can evolve mental stress into physical chronic ailment and aches. Holding back on what's important with the people most involved in our life is often attacking ourself if we still can't forgive the same thing we are holding back. If we have to always pretend to be happy with someone - is it truly worth it? Is it truly painful inside? Why not be free to live a truly lively experience?
Narcissists smell: Wow. Very insightful and just what I needed to hear.
Kanvas King: These are great videos! Truth and to the point!
Cindy L: Agree !! I go to work just to be alone and breathe or play my violin
c k: I subscribed to your link because you have very valid points that struck true to me and I love the hard talk delivery. However, maybe quit hand steeple-ing (sp) in all of your videos as it really puts off those who like straight talk. You come across as arrogant.
Anis Matar: Thank you, in those 4 minutes you summarized the lifetime worth of best eyes opening advice. Now I only wish if I could have watch it before I got married and had kids, alas.
Pippy Barlow: Made my day
Elation Vision: you are wonderful. I am being manipulated and this advice helped me a lot.
All Top Scene: thanks a lot but i have a friend who always tries to manipulate .talks trash about me and if i have good relation with other people he talks trash infront of and behind my back, kind of creating a bad environment for me and taking advantage of the situation .thus isolating me from the group. i have noticed, that my initial interaction with new peoples is nice but this guy talks bad that too in a manupilative way that no one can call him bad .But in the proccess i m the one who suffers. plz help me
I hope u are understanding what i m saying .
waiting for your reply.
Elizabeth Brown: Thankyou
sylvia johnson: That's an amazing thank u for that video God bless ur heart
Sam Daniele: Wow!! That is EXACTLY What I've done, I have sacrifised myself to the CORE 2 Stop someone else going crazy which has taken my s soul , I never do what I WANT , because what I want is to be alone, and at least for a couple of weeks, and he can't handle it, I gotta read ur book he's just pulled in driveway, now I'm sad again. This suckd
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